Quotations
My own:
When your shots are consistently going in the wrong place, move the damn target.
An idea is like a caged bird. If you want to find out what it is, toss it high into the air. If it soars, it is an eagle. If it plummets to the ground,
it is a turkey.
There are only two types of people regarding backup - those that have learned the lesson the hard way and those that are about to.
Fish for a man and you feed him for that day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for life. Slap a man with that fish and he won't bug you so often.
(yeah, I do tech support)
She made habañeros blush with shame.
If debugging is the removal of bugs that were put in during the writing of the code, should programming be more appropriately be called 'bugging'?
I thought iPad sounded like egocentric feminine hygiene protection.
The Mayo clinic just announced that Popeye didn’t get so strong from eating spinach. It was because he was eating Virgin Olive Oil.
"Scientific knowledge is not a democracy. Truth is not decided by majority vote." - me
That isn't condensation on your goblet, it is your beer crying from embarrassment from the name on the goblet.
Sarcasm, elevated to an art form, goes unnoticed.
His teeth would grind like a slow divorce
Favorites from others:
Money is the root of all evil… and everyone needs roots. – anonymous
An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. – Mahatma Ghandi
The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese. – Jon Hammond
Why do we kill people who kill people to show that killing people is wrong? – anonymous
Childrens do learn when standards are high. - George W. Bush 9/26/07
Romance is dead - it was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece.
- Lisa Simpson.
He's so optimistic he'd buy a burial suit with two pairs of pants. -Chuck Tanner.
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. - Dean Martin
Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy. - Albert Einstein.
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe. - Albert Einstein
Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.
- Albert Einstein (Hey, good old Albert knew a lot!)
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher...and that is a good thing for any man.
- Socrates (no slouch either)
Do you know why they call it 'PMS'? Because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken. - Anonymous.
A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed. - Anonymous (apparently anonymous is right up there with Socrates)
When I eventually met Mr Right I had no idea that his first name was Always. - Rita Rudner (it is less funny when women strike back …. and are right)
I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. - Winston Churchill.
In weight lifting, I don't think sudden, uncontrolled urination should automatically disqualify you. – Jack Handey (so what would disqualify you? No, I don’t need to know)
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific. – Jane Wagner
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein.
I intend to live forever. So far, so good. - Steven Wright.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall. - Mitch Hedberg.
If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error. - John Kenneth Galbraith (think ‘agony of defeat’ guy)
Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect. - Benny Hill.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome. - Issac Asimov (marvelously understated)
Nobody goes there anymore because it's too crowded. - Yogi Berra (Yogi, king of the ‘huh? What was that?’)
Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day. - Harry S. Truman (we need more politicians with a common sense… too much hot-day-turd-kicking going on)
It is necessary for me to establish a winner image. Therefore, I have to beat somebody. - Richard M. Nixon (Richard should have read more Truman)
Always drink upstream from the herd. - Anonymous.
Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. - Oscar Wilde.
Don't handicap your children by making their lives easy. - Robert A. Heinlein
An optimist will tell you the glass is half-full; the pessimist, half-empty; and the engineer will tell you the glass is twice the size it needs to be. An analyst tells you there is a 50% margin of error.
- Anonymous.
A good scientist is a person with original ideas. A good engineer is a person who makes a design that works with as few original ideas as possible. There are no prima donnas in engineering. - Freeman Dyson
Pray as if every thing depends on God, Work as if every thing depends on Man - Anonymous.
It’s deeply ironic that ‘cute’ and ‘kill’ both start with the same letter. – Anonymous (That’s so kute)
The man who views the world at fifty the same as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life. - Muhammad Ali
An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field. – Niels Bohr
Your theory is crazy, but it's not crazy enough to be true. Niels Bohr, to a young physicist (Niels does NOT inspire faith in the scientific mind)
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. - Dr. Seuss (great 20th century philosopher)
Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened. – Dr. Seuss (I’ll bet Mr. Rogers studied Dr. Seuss)
Success is when you get what you want. Happiness is when you want what you get. – Fortune cookie
You know what I wish? I wish that all the scum of the world had but a single throat, and I had my hands about it. - Rorschach, 1975 (not funny until you see who said it)
Truth is stranger than fiction, but that is because fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't. - Mark Twain
You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses. — Ziggy
If you build a mile of road, you can only go a mile, but if you build a mile of runway, you can go anywhere – Anonymous (who must have been a pilot)
Great online sig file: RC Helicopters: as addicting as crack, only more expensive! – Mike N
He who has the fastest golf cart never has a bad lie. – Mickey Mantle (I like the implied ‘lie’ pun)
If you're walking down the right path and you're willing to keep walking, eventually you'll make progress. – Barack Obama (Basic but it works, probably read Truman)
If you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it. If you don't ask, the answer is always no. If you don't step forward, you're always in the same place. – Nora Roberts (file this under what Americans used to know)
Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication – Leonardo Da Vinci (this is possibly self referencing)
I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one. - Unknown
Never approach a goat from the front, a horse from the rear, or a fool from any direction. - Unknown
Before Xerox, five carbons were the maximum extension of anybody's ego. – Unknown
No one ever went broke by underestimating the taste of the American public - H.L. Mencken (truly sad but I think it rings true)
Craftsmanship must be applied to achieve a quality result – Tim Sassoon (Tim was talking about cinema but this applies over millennia)
A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects. - Robert A. Heinlein
Everyone has a game plan until they get punched in the face – M. Tyson (old Mike was quite a gameplan changer)
If two million people do a stupid thing, it is still a stupid thing – Opus the Penguin
There’s no such thing as a water landing. It’s called crashing into the ocean. -Pilot
I never trust anyone who’s more excited about success than doing the thing they wanted to be successful at. -XKCD
I cook with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food. – Heather’s Mom (Distant cousin of Julia Child?)
The first rule of UI [user interface] design is Don't Piss Off The User. – Jack Ganssle (yup, the rest is details)
Both incredibly haphazard and self-serving, like monkeys at a salad bar - P.J. O'Rourke (great imagery)
Adapt, Improvise, Overcome. unofficial Marine Corps motto (Robert Heinlein could have been a Marine)
In the News
NAB’s Dennis Wharton commented, "Mr. Gray's unambiguous recognition of local radio airplay's promotional power stands in stark contrast to the cynical actions of RIAA, which continues a campaign to financially cripple the very radio stations Gray relies on to generate increased music sales. If there was a platinum record awarded for hypocrisy, the record labels would surely be in contention.” (he doesn’t need lessons in saying what is on his mind)
Movie & TV & TV Quotes:
No course is lost if but one fool is left to fight. – Will Turner (Pirates)
“I know what you're thinking. Did he fire six shots or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I've kinda lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya punk?” – Clint Eastwood as Harry Callahan
Stupid is what stupid does. – Tom Hanks Forrest Gump
Donkey, you HAVE the right to remain silent. What you lack, is the capacity. – Michael Myers as Shrek
Without me, you are nothing! Without you, I am nothing! Much is expected of us! We will not fail!' - Captain Alexei Vostrikov, K-19: The Widowmaker
I envy your ability to substitute optimism for reality – Bones to Booth
There’s a fine line between wrong and visionary. Unfortunately you have to be a visionary to see it. - Dr. Sheldon Cooper "The Big Bang Theory"
Bumper Stickers, Buttons and T Shirts, Oh My!:
Wag more, bark less
Freudian Slip: When you say one thing and mean your mother.
Irony: The opposite of wrinkly
Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,
but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
A backward poet writes inverse.
The art of conversation is like, kinda dead, and stuff…..
My career as a psychic ended due to unforeseen circumstances.
Life is like a box of terrible analogies.
Vikings are just Swedish pirates.
I’m a NOUN!
We have enough youth. How about a fountain of SMART?
Alcohol & calculus don't mix. Never drink & derive.
You know you're an engineer if you have no life & can prove it mathematically.
Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bullshit before.
If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
Preliminary operational tests were inconclusive (the damn thing blew up)
NEVER, BUT NEVER question the ENGINEERS judgement
NEVER, NEVER question the GEEKS judgement
Math illiteracy affects 8 out of every 5 people.
There's no place like 127.0.0.1
No, I will not fix your computer
Blessed are the Geeks, for they shall internet the earth.
If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the precipitate
By the time you read this, you will have already read this.
Bad samaritan
Cliffhangers are.....
stupid-on-stilts
moronic management bovine excrement
TB is the new GB.
Copyright 2009 Tim Sassoon (think storage)
Sorry Ladies, the shirt is staying on.
Cancel my subscription to your issues
"At some point there, we left the present and entered the future" xkcd
Declare Variables, not War
Driving in Boston
If anyone has driven in Boston you know the only thing more frustrating than the drivers are the roads. Here are the printed directions from the Prudential Center parking garage to the Mass Pike:
“Take a left onto Dalton St. and take another left at the stop sign again. At the next traffic light, turn left onto Huntington Ave. Follow Huntington to the Westin Hotel. Turn left onto Dartmouth St. Turn left at the next light and the Mass Pike entrance is on the left.”
Heck. With that many lefts, you could be traversing the Crab Nebula.
Dali Lama’s INSTRUCTIONS FOR LIFE
1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three R’s:
Respect for self
Respect for others and
Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.
Success - Bessie Anderson Stanley 1904
He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often, and loved much;
who has enjoyed the trust of pure women, the respect of intelligent men and the love of little children;
who has filled his niche and accomplished his task;
who has left the world better than he found it, whether an improved poppy, a perfect poem, or a rescued soul;
who has always looked for the best in others and given them the best he had;
whose life was an inspiration; whose memory a benediction.
Note, this was not written by Emerson: http://www.cas.sc.edu/engl/emerson/ephemera/success.html
Books
Sometimes an author has a way of clarifying something that makes you stop and re-read the passage a few times.
I’ve let too many of these gems float by so now I am collecting them.
I’ve recently discovered that this is a major downside to audio books. I hear a great turn of phrase and want to savor it but it is gone.
From Genius –The Life and Science of Richard Feyman by James Gleick
Pg. 43: There will never be another Einstein – just as there will never be another Edison, another Heifetz, another Babe Ruth, figures towering so far above their contemporaries that they stood out as legends, heroes, half-gods in the culture’s imagination. There will be, and almost certainly have already been, scientists, inventors, violinists, and baseball players with the same raw genius. But the world has grown too large for such singular heroes. When there are a dozen Babe Ruths, there are none. In the early twentieth century, millions of Americans could name exactly one contemporary scientist. In the late twentieth century, anyone who can name a scientist at all can name a half-dozen or more.
Pg. 47: Reason worked. Equations could be trusted; they were more than schoolbook exercises. The heady rush of solving a puzzle, of feeling the mental pieces shift and fade and rearrange themselves until suddenly they slid into their grooves – the sense of power and sheer rightness – these pleasures sustained the addiction. Luxuriating in the buoyant joy of it, Feynman could sink into a trance of concentration that even his family found unnerving.
Pg. 352: A bare handful of electrons can create a palpable electromagnetic force, while it takes a mass as great as the earth to create the gravity that draws a leaf from a tree. The orders of magnitude separating these forces strain the imagination and cause immense mathematical difficulties for theorists trying to reconcile them. The difference is 1042, a number that defied even Feynman’s ability to find illustrative analogies. “The gravitational force is weak,” he said at one conference, introducing his work on quantizing gravity. “In fact, it’s damned weak.” At that instant a loudspeaker demonically broke loose from the ceiling and crashed to the floor. Feynman barely hesitated: “Weak – but not negligible.”
Pg. 354: That same pinhead could hold the twenty-four volumes of the Encyclopaedia Britannica, pictures and all, if the encyclopedia were reduced 25,000 times in each direction. A modest reduction, considering that the barely visible dots making up a halftone photoengraving would still contain a thousand or so atoms. For writing and reading this tiny Britannica, he proposed engineering techniques within the limits of contemporary technology: reversing the lens of an electron microscope, for example, and focusing a beam of ions to a small spot. At this scale, the world’s entire store of book knowledge could be carried about in a small pamphlet. But direct reduction would be crude, he continued. Telephones and computers had given rise to a new way of thinking about information, and in terms of raw information – allowing six or seven “bits” per letter and a generous 100 atoms per bit – all the world’s books could be written in a cube no larger than a speck of dust……. He talked about DNA (fifty atoms per bit of information)……
Pg. 370: But you ask why is ice slippery….. and then you’re involved with something, because there aren’t many things as slippery as ice….. A solid that’s so slippery? Because it is in the case of ice that when you stand on it, they say, momentarily the pressure melts the ice a little bit so that you’ve got an instantaneous water surface on which you’re slipping. Why on ice and not on other things? Because water expands when it freezes. So the pressure tries to undo the expansion and melts it…..
The Tao of Meow by Waldo Japussy
Pg. 93: Leading others is like throwing darts. It is only humiliating if you miss the board entirely.
Web sites:
http://short-funny-quotes.com/
Family Guy Quotes
Seinfield Quotes
http://www.brainyquote.com/
http://inspectorclouseau.com/
When your shots are consistently going in the wrong place, move the damn target.
An idea is like a caged bird. If you want to find out what it is, toss it high into the air. If it soars, it is an eagle. If it plummets to the ground,
it is a turkey.
There are only two types of people regarding backup - those that have learned the lesson the hard way and those that are about to.
Fish for a man and you feed him for that day. Teach a man to fish and you feed him for life. Slap a man with that fish and he won't bug you so often.
(yeah, I do tech support)
She made habañeros blush with shame.
If debugging is the removal of bugs that were put in during the writing of the code, should programming be more appropriately be called 'bugging'?
I thought iPad sounded like egocentric feminine hygiene protection.
The Mayo clinic just announced that Popeye didn’t get so strong from eating spinach. It was because he was eating Virgin Olive Oil.
"Scientific knowledge is not a democracy. Truth is not decided by majority vote." - me
That isn't condensation on your goblet, it is your beer crying from embarrassment from the name on the goblet.
Sarcasm, elevated to an art form, goes unnoticed.
His teeth would grind like a slow divorce
Favorites from others:
Money is the root of all evil… and everyone needs roots. – anonymous
An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. – Mahatma Ghandi
The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese. – Jon Hammond
Why do we kill people who kill people to show that killing people is wrong? – anonymous
Childrens do learn when standards are high. - George W. Bush 9/26/07
Romance is dead - it was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece.
- Lisa Simpson.
He's so optimistic he'd buy a burial suit with two pairs of pants. -Chuck Tanner.
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. - Dean Martin
Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy. - Albert Einstein.
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe. - Albert Einstein
Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.
- Albert Einstein (Hey, good old Albert knew a lot!)
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher...and that is a good thing for any man.
- Socrates (no slouch either)
Do you know why they call it 'PMS'? Because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken. - Anonymous.
A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed. - Anonymous (apparently anonymous is right up there with Socrates)
When I eventually met Mr Right I had no idea that his first name was Always. - Rita Rudner (it is less funny when women strike back …. and are right)
I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. - Winston Churchill.
In weight lifting, I don't think sudden, uncontrolled urination should automatically disqualify you. – Jack Handey (so what would disqualify you? No, I don’t need to know)
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific. – Jane Wagner
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein.
I intend to live forever. So far, so good. - Steven Wright.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall. - Mitch Hedberg.
If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error. - John Kenneth Galbraith (think ‘agony of defeat’ guy)
Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect. - Benny Hill.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome. - Issac Asimov (marvelously understated)
Nobody goes there anymore because it's too crowded. - Yogi Berra (Yogi, king of the ‘huh? What was that?’)
Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day. - Harry S. Truman (we need more politicians with a common sense… too much hot-day-turd-kicking going on)
It is necessary for me to establish a winner image. Therefore, I have to beat somebody. - Richard M. Nixon (Richard should have read more Truman)
Always drink upstream from the herd. - Anonymous.
Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much. - Oscar Wilde.
Don't handicap your children by making their lives easy. - Robert A. Heinlein
An optimist will tell you the glass is half-full; the pessimist, half-empty; and the engineer will tell you the glass is twice the size it needs to be. An analyst tells you there is a 50% margin of error.
- Anonymous.
A good scientist is a person with original ideas. A good engineer is a person who makes a design that works with as few original ideas as possible. There are no prima donnas in engineering. - Freeman Dyson
Pray as if every thing depends on God, Work as if every thing depends on Man - Anonymous.
It’s deeply ironic that ‘cute’ and ‘kill’ both start with the same letter. – Anonymous (That’s so kute)
The man who views the world at fifty the same as he did at twenty has wasted thirty years of his life. - Muhammad Ali
An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field. – Niels Bohr
Your theory is crazy, but it's not crazy enough to be true. Niels Bohr, to a young physicist (Niels does NOT inspire faith in the scientific mind)
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. - Dr. Seuss (great 20th century philosopher)
Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened. – Dr. Seuss (I’ll bet Mr. Rogers studied Dr. Seuss)
Success is when you get what you want. Happiness is when you want what you get. – Fortune cookie
You know what I wish? I wish that all the scum of the world had but a single throat, and I had my hands about it. - Rorschach, 1975 (not funny until you see who said it)
Truth is stranger than fiction, but that is because fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't. - Mark Twain
You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses. — Ziggy
If you build a mile of road, you can only go a mile, but if you build a mile of runway, you can go anywhere – Anonymous (who must have been a pilot)
Great online sig file: RC Helicopters: as addicting as crack, only more expensive! – Mike N
He who has the fastest golf cart never has a bad lie. – Mickey Mantle (I like the implied ‘lie’ pun)
If you're walking down the right path and you're willing to keep walking, eventually you'll make progress. – Barack Obama (Basic but it works, probably read Truman)
If you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it. If you don't ask, the answer is always no. If you don't step forward, you're always in the same place. – Nora Roberts (file this under what Americans used to know)
Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication – Leonardo Da Vinci (this is possibly self referencing)
I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one. - Unknown
Never approach a goat from the front, a horse from the rear, or a fool from any direction. - Unknown
Before Xerox, five carbons were the maximum extension of anybody's ego. – Unknown
No one ever went broke by underestimating the taste of the American public - H.L. Mencken (truly sad but I think it rings true)
Craftsmanship must be applied to achieve a quality result – Tim Sassoon (Tim was talking about cinema but this applies over millennia)
A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects. - Robert A. Heinlein
Everyone has a game plan until they get punched in the face – M. Tyson (old Mike was quite a gameplan changer)
If two million people do a stupid thing, it is still a stupid thing – Opus the Penguin
There’s no such thing as a water landing. It’s called crashing into the ocean. -Pilot
I never trust anyone who’s more excited about success than doing the thing they wanted to be successful at. -XKCD
I cook with wine. Sometimes I even put it in the food. – Heather’s Mom (Distant cousin of Julia Child?)
The first rule of UI [user interface] design is Don't Piss Off The User. – Jack Ganssle (yup, the rest is details)
Both incredibly haphazard and self-serving, like monkeys at a salad bar - P.J. O'Rourke (great imagery)
Adapt, Improvise, Overcome. unofficial Marine Corps motto (Robert Heinlein could have been a Marine)
In the News
NAB’s Dennis Wharton commented, "Mr. Gray's unambiguous recognition of local radio airplay's promotional power stands in stark contrast to the cynical actions of RIAA, which continues a campaign to financially cripple the very radio stations Gray relies on to generate increased music sales. If there was a platinum record awarded for hypocrisy, the record labels would surely be in contention.” (he doesn’t need lessons in saying what is on his mind)
Movie & TV & TV Quotes:
No course is lost if but one fool is left to fight. – Will Turner (Pirates)
“I know what you're thinking. Did he fire six shots or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement, I've kinda lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya punk?” – Clint Eastwood as Harry Callahan
Stupid is what stupid does. – Tom Hanks Forrest Gump
Donkey, you HAVE the right to remain silent. What you lack, is the capacity. – Michael Myers as Shrek
Without me, you are nothing! Without you, I am nothing! Much is expected of us! We will not fail!' - Captain Alexei Vostrikov, K-19: The Widowmaker
I envy your ability to substitute optimism for reality – Bones to Booth
There’s a fine line between wrong and visionary. Unfortunately you have to be a visionary to see it. - Dr. Sheldon Cooper "The Big Bang Theory"
Bumper Stickers, Buttons and T Shirts, Oh My!:
Wag more, bark less
Freudian Slip: When you say one thing and mean your mother.
Irony: The opposite of wrinkly
Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,
but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
A backward poet writes inverse.
The art of conversation is like, kinda dead, and stuff…..
My career as a psychic ended due to unforeseen circumstances.
Life is like a box of terrible analogies.
Vikings are just Swedish pirates.
I’m a NOUN!
We have enough youth. How about a fountain of SMART?
Alcohol & calculus don't mix. Never drink & derive.
You know you're an engineer if you have no life & can prove it mathematically.
Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bullshit before.
If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?
Preliminary operational tests were inconclusive (the damn thing blew up)
NEVER, BUT NEVER question the ENGINEERS judgement
NEVER, NEVER question the GEEKS judgement
Math illiteracy affects 8 out of every 5 people.
There's no place like 127.0.0.1
No, I will not fix your computer
Blessed are the Geeks, for they shall internet the earth.
If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the precipitate
By the time you read this, you will have already read this.
Bad samaritan
Cliffhangers are.....
stupid-on-stilts
moronic management bovine excrement
TB is the new GB.
Copyright 2009 Tim Sassoon (think storage)
Sorry Ladies, the shirt is staying on.
Cancel my subscription to your issues
"At some point there, we left the present and entered the future" xkcd
Declare Variables, not War
Driving in Boston
If anyone has driven in Boston you know the only thing more frustrating than the drivers are the roads. Here are the printed directions from the Prudential Center parking garage to the Mass Pike:
“Take a left onto Dalton St. and take another left at the stop sign again. At the next traffic light, turn left onto Huntington Ave. Follow Huntington to the Westin Hotel. Turn left onto Dartmouth St. Turn left at the next light and the Mass Pike entrance is on the left.”
Heck. With that many lefts, you could be traversing the Crab Nebula.
Dali Lama’s INSTRUCTIONS FOR LIFE
1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three R’s:
Respect for self
Respect for others and
Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don't let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
19. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.
Success - Bessie Anderson Stanley 1904
He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often, and loved much;
who has enjoyed the trust of pure women, the respect of intelligent men and the love of little children;
who has filled his niche and accomplished his task;
who has left the world better than he found it, whether an improved poppy, a perfect poem, or a rescued soul;
who has always looked for the best in others and given them the best he had;
whose life was an inspiration; whose memory a benediction.
Note, this was not written by Emerson: http://www.cas.sc.edu/engl/emerson/ephemera/success.html
Books
Sometimes an author has a way of clarifying something that makes you stop and re-read the passage a few times.
I’ve let too many of these gems float by so now I am collecting them.
I’ve recently discovered that this is a major downside to audio books. I hear a great turn of phrase and want to savor it but it is gone.
From Genius –The Life and Science of Richard Feyman by James Gleick
Pg. 43: There will never be another Einstein – just as there will never be another Edison, another Heifetz, another Babe Ruth, figures towering so far above their contemporaries that they stood out as legends, heroes, half-gods in the culture’s imagination. There will be, and almost certainly have already been, scientists, inventors, violinists, and baseball players with the same raw genius. But the world has grown too large for such singular heroes. When there are a dozen Babe Ruths, there are none. In the early twentieth century, millions of Americans could name exactly one contemporary scientist. In the late twentieth century, anyone who can name a scientist at all can name a half-dozen or more.
Pg. 47: Reason worked. Equations could be trusted; they were more than schoolbook exercises. The heady rush of solving a puzzle, of feeling the mental pieces shift and fade and rearrange themselves until suddenly they slid into their grooves – the sense of power and sheer rightness – these pleasures sustained the addiction. Luxuriating in the buoyant joy of it, Feynman could sink into a trance of concentration that even his family found unnerving.
Pg. 352: A bare handful of electrons can create a palpable electromagnetic force, while it takes a mass as great as the earth to create the gravity that draws a leaf from a tree. The orders of magnitude separating these forces strain the imagination and cause immense mathematical difficulties for theorists trying to reconcile them. The difference is 1042, a number that defied even Feynman’s ability to find illustrative analogies. “The gravitational force is weak,” he said at one conference, introducing his work on quantizing gravity. “In fact, it’s damned weak.” At that instant a loudspeaker demonically broke loose from the ceiling and crashed to the floor. Feynman barely hesitated: “Weak – but not negligible.”
Pg. 354: That same pinhead could hold the twenty-four volumes of the Encyclopaedia Britannica, pictures and all, if the encyclopedia were reduced 25,000 times in each direction. A modest reduction, considering that the barely visible dots making up a halftone photoengraving would still contain a thousand or so atoms. For writing and reading this tiny Britannica, he proposed engineering techniques within the limits of contemporary technology: reversing the lens of an electron microscope, for example, and focusing a beam of ions to a small spot. At this scale, the world’s entire store of book knowledge could be carried about in a small pamphlet. But direct reduction would be crude, he continued. Telephones and computers had given rise to a new way of thinking about information, and in terms of raw information – allowing six or seven “bits” per letter and a generous 100 atoms per bit – all the world’s books could be written in a cube no larger than a speck of dust……. He talked about DNA (fifty atoms per bit of information)……
Pg. 370: But you ask why is ice slippery….. and then you’re involved with something, because there aren’t many things as slippery as ice….. A solid that’s so slippery? Because it is in the case of ice that when you stand on it, they say, momentarily the pressure melts the ice a little bit so that you’ve got an instantaneous water surface on which you’re slipping. Why on ice and not on other things? Because water expands when it freezes. So the pressure tries to undo the expansion and melts it…..
The Tao of Meow by Waldo Japussy
Pg. 93: Leading others is like throwing darts. It is only humiliating if you miss the board entirely.
Web sites:
http://short-funny-quotes.com/
Family Guy Quotes
Seinfield Quotes
http://www.brainyquote.com/
http://inspectorclouseau.com/