Bad Coffee Poetry
First, an explanation. I worked at a fun research company named InterScience. Frequently I was the first one there in the morning. We had an industrial coffee maker with two air pots. They were so well insulated that it was hard to tell the coffee was old until you tasted it. So, I started leaving a note that said it was fresh with that day’s date.
From there it was only a small leap until I was leaving a new poem each day. I called it Bad Coffee Poetry.
From there it was only a small leap until I was leaving a new poem each day. I called it Bad Coffee Poetry.
Coffee is my drug of choice
It keeps me wide awake.
It props my eyes wide open
Kind of more than I can take.
-Welcome to Monday
The more you drink it,
The more you know.
Coffee is what makes us go.
-Tuesday
Your hands will shake
Your teeth will chatter.
Too much coffee’s
No laughing matter.
- Wednesday
Espresso is so rich and thick.
Wakes you up, it does the trick.
- Thursday
Coffee is what we have got.
Drink it in the morning, piping hot.
- 3/13/2000
Coffee ground up from the bean
Freshest stuff you’ve ever seen.
-3/15
The coffee poet shares his wit,
OK, only half a wi
From where I sit.
- 3/20
Staff meeting and a cup of Joe,
Will make ideas ebb and flow
-Tuesday
Coffee hot and dark and rich,
Not ready at 9:30, what a ….bear
- 3/22
Golden rich just like a treasure,
Fresh brewed for your drinking pleasure.
-Thursday 3/23
Jump start the body,
Jump start the mind.
A hot cup of coffee,
Starts our daily grind.
-Monday 3/27
Get in your car,
And come to work.
Fresh hot coffee,
That’s quite a ‘perk’!
-3/30
Coffee in the morning,
Just to wake you up.
Have yourself some coffee,
In a mug or in a cup.
- Monday 4/3
Add some milk to your heart’s content.
To help you reach ‘enlightenment’!
-Tuesday 4/4
You’ve got to wonder
About the coffee poet.
So check each morning
To see what he wro-et.
- Thursday 4/6
Monday morning, scrub the pots.
Squeaky clean (in most spots).
-Monday 4/10
New employees could make coffee
I am saying with a smile.
It shows they are team players
To go that extra mile
-Wednesday 4/12
Jumper cables and coffee are
Much the same – take warning!
Both provide a jolt to go
When you can’t start up in the morning!
- 4/13
Morning and our brew is hot.
Just for you I brewed a pot.
(two actually)
- 4/14 (do you know where your taxes are?)
The bad coffee poet,
He grabs a pen to sit.
And ruminate upon the bean
And charm you with his wit.
- Fresh and scrubbed Monday 4/14
Michelle and Steve
Dual coffee P.I.’s
Two pots of coffee
To open your eyes.
-Thursday 4/20
The bad coffee poet’s rhymes
Are quite terse.
I hope you enjoy them,
For better or verse.
-Tuesday
High verbal scores on the SAT
Can help an engineer you see.
How boring our morning with just tea
Lacking bad coffee poetry.
-Thursday 4/27
“Enough!” you cry to stop my rhymes
That are terrible and awful.
They should be banned by court decree
Which would make them all unlawful.
-Tuesday 5/2
In the morning that cup of Java
Is the drink I’ve got to hava.
It is perfect in the month of May
To warm us on this Chili day.
-(we planned to have chili for lunch) 5/4
Coffee coffee it’s the best!
I’m addicted I confess!
Yeah, Coffee!!!
-Monday 5/8
Coffee and a shaven head
Makes Chris feel just fine.
His day is rolling right along,
He will positively shine!
-Tuesday 5/9
Showers and a thunderstorm
For this season are the norm.
Coffee for this early morn
Bad poetry for you to scorn.
-Wednesday 5/10
Coffee made with much variety
With or lacking in propriety.
Milk or cream and some sugar
Little kids might add a booger.
-Sorry, strange morning 5/11
In the morning
Take my cup from the shelf.
Write some lines
To espresso myself.
-5/12
The pots are all a squeaky clean,
Glimmering with a fresh-scrubbed sheen.
Coffee turns them sickly brown,
It’s a wonder we can keep it down.
-5/15
Tea or coffee to wake you up,
Or hot chocolate in your cup.
Tea is the easiest to make a rhyme,
Chocolate won’t rhyme anytime.
- 5/16 (Michelle answered with a great verse which rhymed chocolate several times)
Netherlands and Germany
Added to our crew.
No doubt about it,
We’re an international brew.
- 5/22 to commemorate two new interns.
If you think my poetry’s bad,
And cringe at its verbal sting.
Be happy you don’t start your day,
Listening to me sing.
- 5/24, sticking to bad poetry.
Hot in the morning
Or chilled over ice.
Coffee or tea
They add a certain spice.
-Thursday 5/25
We all know his leaving is a bummer,
He does more than march to a different drummer.
I think you know without refute,
He is known to step to a different lute!
-My good friend Dave Deaton’s last day.
We clean the pots any way that we can
Any method that we have the means.
If the coffee’s still bad, too bad and so sad,
All I can tell you is that its ‘tough beans’
- 6/1
The coffee pot elf has paid us a visit,
Now our pots are shiny and nice.
I’m not sure who did it, be it the elves or the fairies,
Or maybe industrious mice.
- Monday 6/5
To boost our spirits
Michelle has brewed us a pot
Isn’t she quite nice.
Although she won’t drink the stuff,
She’ll help us with our vice.
Thanks.
-Tuesday
Rev up your computer,
And grab a cup of ‘Joe’.
Pick it up and move it out,
It’s time to earn some dough.
-Thursday
A Renaissance man is Analog Steve
With thoughts of science and history.
Who will fill the void for lunchroom debates,
Is an InterScience mystery.
- Monday
It’s Monday morning
So look alive.
And bad poetry
I will try to contrive.
- Monday 6/26
No coffee in the morning
Can give you the blues.
So I brewed two pots
Just for youse.
-Wednesday 6/28
Hot coffee for your drinking pleasure.
Pour a cup to hold and treasure.
Cradle it and feel its heat.
Have a cup, it can’t be beat.
-Friday 6/30
Caffeine only for today.
If you want decaf,
Make your own, Okay?
-Monday 7/3
Both pots are fresh and ready to go
To enjoy in your fireworks afterglow.
-7/5
Grab your cup and circle round the pot,
For hot coffee you are standing on the spot.
-Thursday 7/6
Staff meeting – rejoice and fill your heart with glee.
For we can see just where with stand with crystal clarity.
-Thursday 7/13
The bad coffee poet goes on vacation,
I’m sure you missed my verse.
Judging from the brown sludge in the pots,
The coffee just got worse.
-Tuesday 7/25, cleaned and scrubbed.
Our coffee pots have been soaked and scrubbed and glitter with a sheen.
All the better to enjoy the taste of the coffee bean.
-Monday
Coffee brewed for our staff meeting.
Get there early for the best seating.
-Tuesday 8/1
They strike for shorter hours,
They strike for greater pay.
They strike for what’s owed them,
At least that’s what they say.
-Tuesday (some strike going on in the tech park)
For fresh hot coffee as you wake,
An embedded java server’s what it takes.
-Thursday 8/10
I found the place, I scrubbed the pots,
I guess I’ll need retraining.
I lost it all while camping
with 3 kids while its raining.
(had a great time).
-8/28
Scientists and engineers think thoughts so lofty,
They are research engines fueled by coffee.
-Thursday 9/7
The snap and cold, so I’ve been told
Of winter coming fast.
Will mean hot chocolate and more tea
For our early morn repast.
-Thursday 9/14
Hot and fresh, an oily brew.
A cup for me, a cup for you.
-Tuesday 9/19
Just caf today for you, drinkers of the bean.
Set your coffee idle higher, I think you’re running lean.
-Wednesday 9/20
2 fresh pots of coffee black,
Strong enough to make you yak.
Half and half to make it white,
Should make a cup of pure delight.
-Monday 9/25
The snap and cold of winter bold
Can chill you through and through.
So grab a cup and fill it up
And join me with some brew.
-9/28
Caf and decaf fresh and hot.
Cleaner pots should help a lot.
Enjoy the coffee to help you start.
And do some cleaning – do your part.
- 10/12
I brewed a pot of caffeine bean,
The blackest goo you’ve ever seen.
It will help us through our meeting status.
So thank you for our coffee gratis!
- 10/17
Caffeinated coffee piping hot,
Contributes to your stomach rot.
For lunch you add some Taco Bell,
Condemn yourself to G.I. hell.
- 10/25
The bad coffee poet struck early
And made two pots of brew.
Not much longer he’ll be rhyming
For the rumors are all true.
- 10/26 (announced I was leaving)
I’ve made a pot of caffeine brew,
A cup of java for the morning crew.
If it is not your thing I say to thee
Grab a bag and have some tea.
-10/31
I like my coffee sweet with lots of sugar and cream.
Now add some cold and flavor,
I think I made ice cream!
- 11/2
Fresh coffee… like chewy toffee.
- 11/7
At your desk, in your chair you’ll park.
Let coffee provide your morning spark.
-11/9
It keeps me wide awake.
It props my eyes wide open
Kind of more than I can take.
-Welcome to Monday
The more you drink it,
The more you know.
Coffee is what makes us go.
-Tuesday
Your hands will shake
Your teeth will chatter.
Too much coffee’s
No laughing matter.
- Wednesday
Espresso is so rich and thick.
Wakes you up, it does the trick.
- Thursday
Coffee is what we have got.
Drink it in the morning, piping hot.
- 3/13/2000
Coffee ground up from the bean
Freshest stuff you’ve ever seen.
-3/15
The coffee poet shares his wit,
OK, only half a wi
From where I sit.
- 3/20
Staff meeting and a cup of Joe,
Will make ideas ebb and flow
-Tuesday
Coffee hot and dark and rich,
Not ready at 9:30, what a ….bear
- 3/22
Golden rich just like a treasure,
Fresh brewed for your drinking pleasure.
-Thursday 3/23
Jump start the body,
Jump start the mind.
A hot cup of coffee,
Starts our daily grind.
-Monday 3/27
Get in your car,
And come to work.
Fresh hot coffee,
That’s quite a ‘perk’!
-3/30
Coffee in the morning,
Just to wake you up.
Have yourself some coffee,
In a mug or in a cup.
- Monday 4/3
Add some milk to your heart’s content.
To help you reach ‘enlightenment’!
-Tuesday 4/4
You’ve got to wonder
About the coffee poet.
So check each morning
To see what he wro-et.
- Thursday 4/6
Monday morning, scrub the pots.
Squeaky clean (in most spots).
-Monday 4/10
New employees could make coffee
I am saying with a smile.
It shows they are team players
To go that extra mile
-Wednesday 4/12
Jumper cables and coffee are
Much the same – take warning!
Both provide a jolt to go
When you can’t start up in the morning!
- 4/13
Morning and our brew is hot.
Just for you I brewed a pot.
(two actually)
- 4/14 (do you know where your taxes are?)
The bad coffee poet,
He grabs a pen to sit.
And ruminate upon the bean
And charm you with his wit.
- Fresh and scrubbed Monday 4/14
Michelle and Steve
Dual coffee P.I.’s
Two pots of coffee
To open your eyes.
-Thursday 4/20
The bad coffee poet’s rhymes
Are quite terse.
I hope you enjoy them,
For better or verse.
-Tuesday
High verbal scores on the SAT
Can help an engineer you see.
How boring our morning with just tea
Lacking bad coffee poetry.
-Thursday 4/27
“Enough!” you cry to stop my rhymes
That are terrible and awful.
They should be banned by court decree
Which would make them all unlawful.
-Tuesday 5/2
In the morning that cup of Java
Is the drink I’ve got to hava.
It is perfect in the month of May
To warm us on this Chili day.
-(we planned to have chili for lunch) 5/4
Coffee coffee it’s the best!
I’m addicted I confess!
Yeah, Coffee!!!
-Monday 5/8
Coffee and a shaven head
Makes Chris feel just fine.
His day is rolling right along,
He will positively shine!
-Tuesday 5/9
Showers and a thunderstorm
For this season are the norm.
Coffee for this early morn
Bad poetry for you to scorn.
-Wednesday 5/10
Coffee made with much variety
With or lacking in propriety.
Milk or cream and some sugar
Little kids might add a booger.
-Sorry, strange morning 5/11
In the morning
Take my cup from the shelf.
Write some lines
To espresso myself.
-5/12
The pots are all a squeaky clean,
Glimmering with a fresh-scrubbed sheen.
Coffee turns them sickly brown,
It’s a wonder we can keep it down.
-5/15
Tea or coffee to wake you up,
Or hot chocolate in your cup.
Tea is the easiest to make a rhyme,
Chocolate won’t rhyme anytime.
- 5/16 (Michelle answered with a great verse which rhymed chocolate several times)
Netherlands and Germany
Added to our crew.
No doubt about it,
We’re an international brew.
- 5/22 to commemorate two new interns.
If you think my poetry’s bad,
And cringe at its verbal sting.
Be happy you don’t start your day,
Listening to me sing.
- 5/24, sticking to bad poetry.
Hot in the morning
Or chilled over ice.
Coffee or tea
They add a certain spice.
-Thursday 5/25
We all know his leaving is a bummer,
He does more than march to a different drummer.
I think you know without refute,
He is known to step to a different lute!
-My good friend Dave Deaton’s last day.
We clean the pots any way that we can
Any method that we have the means.
If the coffee’s still bad, too bad and so sad,
All I can tell you is that its ‘tough beans’
- 6/1
The coffee pot elf has paid us a visit,
Now our pots are shiny and nice.
I’m not sure who did it, be it the elves or the fairies,
Or maybe industrious mice.
- Monday 6/5
To boost our spirits
Michelle has brewed us a pot
Isn’t she quite nice.
Although she won’t drink the stuff,
She’ll help us with our vice.
Thanks.
-Tuesday
Rev up your computer,
And grab a cup of ‘Joe’.
Pick it up and move it out,
It’s time to earn some dough.
-Thursday
A Renaissance man is Analog Steve
With thoughts of science and history.
Who will fill the void for lunchroom debates,
Is an InterScience mystery.
- Monday
It’s Monday morning
So look alive.
And bad poetry
I will try to contrive.
- Monday 6/26
No coffee in the morning
Can give you the blues.
So I brewed two pots
Just for youse.
-Wednesday 6/28
Hot coffee for your drinking pleasure.
Pour a cup to hold and treasure.
Cradle it and feel its heat.
Have a cup, it can’t be beat.
-Friday 6/30
Caffeine only for today.
If you want decaf,
Make your own, Okay?
-Monday 7/3
Both pots are fresh and ready to go
To enjoy in your fireworks afterglow.
-7/5
Grab your cup and circle round the pot,
For hot coffee you are standing on the spot.
-Thursday 7/6
Staff meeting – rejoice and fill your heart with glee.
For we can see just where with stand with crystal clarity.
-Thursday 7/13
The bad coffee poet goes on vacation,
I’m sure you missed my verse.
Judging from the brown sludge in the pots,
The coffee just got worse.
-Tuesday 7/25, cleaned and scrubbed.
Our coffee pots have been soaked and scrubbed and glitter with a sheen.
All the better to enjoy the taste of the coffee bean.
-Monday
Coffee brewed for our staff meeting.
Get there early for the best seating.
-Tuesday 8/1
They strike for shorter hours,
They strike for greater pay.
They strike for what’s owed them,
At least that’s what they say.
-Tuesday (some strike going on in the tech park)
For fresh hot coffee as you wake,
An embedded java server’s what it takes.
-Thursday 8/10
I found the place, I scrubbed the pots,
I guess I’ll need retraining.
I lost it all while camping
with 3 kids while its raining.
(had a great time).
-8/28
Scientists and engineers think thoughts so lofty,
They are research engines fueled by coffee.
-Thursday 9/7
The snap and cold, so I’ve been told
Of winter coming fast.
Will mean hot chocolate and more tea
For our early morn repast.
-Thursday 9/14
Hot and fresh, an oily brew.
A cup for me, a cup for you.
-Tuesday 9/19
Just caf today for you, drinkers of the bean.
Set your coffee idle higher, I think you’re running lean.
-Wednesday 9/20
2 fresh pots of coffee black,
Strong enough to make you yak.
Half and half to make it white,
Should make a cup of pure delight.
-Monday 9/25
The snap and cold of winter bold
Can chill you through and through.
So grab a cup and fill it up
And join me with some brew.
-9/28
Caf and decaf fresh and hot.
Cleaner pots should help a lot.
Enjoy the coffee to help you start.
And do some cleaning – do your part.
- 10/12
I brewed a pot of caffeine bean,
The blackest goo you’ve ever seen.
It will help us through our meeting status.
So thank you for our coffee gratis!
- 10/17
Caffeinated coffee piping hot,
Contributes to your stomach rot.
For lunch you add some Taco Bell,
Condemn yourself to G.I. hell.
- 10/25
The bad coffee poet struck early
And made two pots of brew.
Not much longer he’ll be rhyming
For the rumors are all true.
- 10/26 (announced I was leaving)
I’ve made a pot of caffeine brew,
A cup of java for the morning crew.
If it is not your thing I say to thee
Grab a bag and have some tea.
-10/31
I like my coffee sweet with lots of sugar and cream.
Now add some cold and flavor,
I think I made ice cream!
- 11/2
Fresh coffee… like chewy toffee.
- 11/7
At your desk, in your chair you’ll park.
Let coffee provide your morning spark.
-11/9