50 Ways to Strain Their Dinner
Liberated from 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover
- words and music by Paul Simon
Butchered unmercifully by Steve Nordhauser
The problem is just a lack of teeth with which to chew
The answer it is easy and I know that you know too
I'd like to help you as you make the evening meal
There must be fifty ways to strain their dinner
She said it's really not my habit to intrude
Furthermore, I hope my meaning won't be lost or misconstrued
But I'll repeat myself at the risk of being crude
There must be fifty ways to strain their dinner
Fifty ways to strain their dinner
You just set it to puree, Ray
Mash it in the pan, Stan
Gotta be sure they're fed, Ted
Just listen to me.
Knead it like dough, Flo
So they don't need to chew slow
And dice it real small, Paul
Just listen to me
She said it grieves me so to see them in such pain
I know there was something you could do to make them eat again
I said I appreciate that and would you please explain
About the fifty ways
She said why don't you pour the beef tonight
And I believe as they eat you'll begin to see the light
As they sucked dinner through a straw I saw that she was right
There must be fifty ways to strain their dinner
Fifty ways to strain their dinner
You just set it to puree, Ray
Mash it in the pan, Stan
Gotta be sure they're fed, Ted
Just listen to me.
Knead it like dough, Flo
So they don't need to chew slow
And dice it real small, Paul
Just listen to me
The answer it is easy and I know that you know too
I'd like to help you as you make the evening meal
There must be fifty ways to strain their dinner
She said it's really not my habit to intrude
Furthermore, I hope my meaning won't be lost or misconstrued
But I'll repeat myself at the risk of being crude
There must be fifty ways to strain their dinner
Fifty ways to strain their dinner
You just set it to puree, Ray
Mash it in the pan, Stan
Gotta be sure they're fed, Ted
Just listen to me.
Knead it like dough, Flo
So they don't need to chew slow
And dice it real small, Paul
Just listen to me
She said it grieves me so to see them in such pain
I know there was something you could do to make them eat again
I said I appreciate that and would you please explain
About the fifty ways
She said why don't you pour the beef tonight
And I believe as they eat you'll begin to see the light
As they sucked dinner through a straw I saw that she was right
There must be fifty ways to strain their dinner
Fifty ways to strain their dinner
You just set it to puree, Ray
Mash it in the pan, Stan
Gotta be sure they're fed, Ted
Just listen to me.
Knead it like dough, Flo
So they don't need to chew slow
And dice it real small, Paul
Just listen to me